Back in the Dating Saddle

In a past post, I shared the details of how my last relationship ended about a month ago…days before my 30th birthday. In the last month, I’ve had a whirlwind of emotions go through me – for the first couple weeks, it was mainly sadness, confusion, and grief. While we were only together for a few months, she had become a big part of my life and I saw that only growing. I had been invited to her family’s events a week before I had “the bomb” dropped on me so she wasn’t exactly cutting me out of her life slowly.

This grief and sadness then turned to anger. How could someone who supposedly cared about me do this? I completely understand that you need to be true to your feelings and don’t fault her for that. However, what I do have a problem with is how I was treated in the aftermath, but that’s a whole other story in itself.

Now, I’ve moved on and am back in the saddle and ready to move on. I have 2 dates on the agenda for this week. So, with that being the case, the whole first date etiquette is on my mind so I wanted to take a look at it:

Where to Meet Up? Such a simple thing, yet so important. Where are we going to meet? My go-to is a restaurant with a bar…let’s be honest, nothing to kill the first date jitters like a little booze!

Who Pays? This is not even a question in my eyes…the guy does. Why? Because that is the rule. I honestly think it’s stupid and archaic, but because society says that “gentleman” will pay on the first date, I don’t dare touch this social norm.

Goodnight Kiss? This is such a polarizing topic – it makes the topics of universal healthcare, immigration, and marijuana legalization seem innocuous. I’ve had many debates with friends about what to do at the end of a date – kiss or not? Some of my friends are adamant that you got to kiss the girl, otherwise you are entering the “friend zone.”

However, I don’t subscribe to this school of thought. It seems a bit weird to me kissing someone that you met a few hours ago. I tend to go in for the kiss on the 2nd date – I mean, those extra 2 hours really make a difference right? But in all seriousness, this gives us both time to digest everything and inevitably find out whether there is interest or not on the other end.

When to Contact Next (and who should) if you want to go out again? We’ve all heard of the 3 day rule. “You have to wait 3 days or she will feel you’re too eager – you got to play hard to get.” This is another one that I personally don’t subscribe to. Maybe it’s because I’m impatient, but I’m usually texting the girl that same night saying I had a great time. I won’t life, a girl gets major brownie points when I pull my phone out to send this, and she has beat me to the punch. In those cases, I know that she is considerate, appreciative, and of the most importance, interested. I feel that you have to go with your feelings on this one– some people will wait, some people, like me, want to reach out right away.

What to do if you don’t want to see the other person again? Inevitably, most dates will end with at least one person not feeling it – it’s the nature of the beast. However, I still ask myself every time I’m the one who is not feeling it,“what should I do?” And, every time I do the same thing, fall off the face of the earth and not contact her. I’m not proud of this but what is the better alternative? Sending a text message that says “Great meeting up with you but I’m not feeling it” would be just weird. Of course, if the girl ever contacts me and gives the impression she wants to go out again, I’ll say “thanks but no thanks”….in a much nicer fashion.

So, give me your thoughts on these items – what am I doing right? What should I change up?

Seth

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