Who doesn’t have a pet peeve or two? Or for some people, it’s more like 15. You know who you are….I’m proud to say that I’m one of them….just on the topic of dating! Yikes, now that I am putting that in writing, I’m starting to wonder if maybe why this is why I am single!
Well, here goes my list of dating Pet Peeves. If you have any that I missed or there are any below you can add to, please comment back – would love to hear your thoughts.
1. Not offering to pay
So, this one is about effort and expectations more than anything. Especially on a first date, I insist on the partaking in the archaic tradition of the guy treating the girl. I think it’s outdated and ridiculous; however, society has done a great job at making me feel like I need to follow this cultural norm and I am knowingly enabling it by partaking. However, it really rubs me the wrong way when a girl won’t even offer to pay. When that happens, I honestly feel like a meal ticket more than anything.
So, I’ve been asked before, “What do you want the girl to do/say when the bill comes.” I think she should offer to pay and after I decline to take her up on that, she thanks me (more on this below). If she’s feeling me and wants to get together again, I love it when a girl then replies that she will let me pay this time, but next time it’s on her. When this is on the table, I do take her up on the offer. However, the reason I love this has nothing to do with money – it’s 100% because it shows me she is not only interested in me but already thinking about the next date.
2. Not saying “thank you”
Believe it or not, I would say at least 50% of the dates I’ve gone on where I pay the bill, I don’t even get a Thank You.
DID YOU GO TO KINDERGARTEN?? C’mon, this is basic manners.
Here again, I’m left feeling like a meal ticket. Regardless of whether you like me, love me, or hate me, if I treat you to dinner, I feel that the two words “thank you” should be uttered at least once.
3. Not responding to texts/calls for hours
I’ll preface this by saying that I grew up on the east coast of the US and have lived most of my life near some of the busiest cities in the country. We all know that there is some truth to the stereotype of people from the east coast being impatient – I know that I am in many respects.
Ladies, I’m about to let you in on a secret of what goes on in the head of this guy….when there is a girl I really like and we are texting back and forth, after I hit send, I’m very anxiously waiting for your reply. It’s in the forefront of my mind. I don’t expect a response in 2 minutes; however, outside of work hours, after about 15 minutes I may start to get a bit anxious. After 30 minutes, the anxiety picks up. Once we reach the hour mark, I start to have the following go through my head…
“She’s probably on a date with another guy”
“What did you say in your last message that could have been taken the wrong way?”
“She doesn’t like you anymore”
This is unhealthy paranoia – I know that. However, many times, how quick you hear back from someone is telling. Many times it’s not – the reason it took 4 hours to reply is many times unrelated to me. This is a Pet Peeve that is more of something I need to work on about myself; however, all the ladies out there should know that those anxieties you feel when we don’t response, are felt by guys too.
4) Significantly Altered Dating Profile Pics
Have you ever gone to meet someone from Tinder, Bumble, etc. and get to the bar, look around and don’t see them. Then, you hear your name and upon locating the person calling you, have no clue who that person is? Well, I’ve had that happen, multiple times.
We all have pictures that show us 20 lbs lighter or ones that are touched up using one of the many iphone apps at our fingertips. It’s awfully tempting to put up an altered photo or one from 2011 that seems more attractive; however, is it fair? I don’t feel it is. I’ll be honest, I’ve touched up a phone or two before but never to the point of looking different than the guy a girl is about to meet. I don’t hold it against the person if they are overweight or something like that; however, I do hold the dishonest peace against her. This is the worst way for things to start when dating someone. Be honest and be you. Otherwise, I can’t see how things will ever work out.
I could rant about this one for a day. This is the biggest pet peeve of dating for me. Of course, there are scenarios that are exceptions (ie – someone has abusive tendencies). However, should there not be an exception that warrants ghosting, it’s downright cruel.
We all understand that when dating someone, it’s likely one of us is going to end things, at one point or another. So, there is a risk of getting hurt that both parties take when dating; however, I feel that we owe it to each other to mitigate this pain as much as possible, should that arise. Falling off the face of the earth and ghosting someone is not fair and just prolongs the pain of things not working out. Confronting the other party and making it clear this isn’t going to work will be difficult and could hurt them. However, it’s a pain that provides a form of closure and allows them to move on without you.