I’m Confident when it comes to dating…Confident I need more Confidence.

It’s no secret that most girls say confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a guy. I mean, I can’t blame them – a guy who is proud of who he is, regardless of what other people think, says a lot.


I wish I was the guy who would walk in to a room without being self-conscious or always thinking “how is he/she viewing me.” I’m not this guy…unfortunately, it’s the opposite. I’ve always been self-conscious and worried about how people view me – especially when it comes to the whole dating game. My confidence has definitely taken a hit with each girl that ghosts me, date that doesn’t pan out, dating app message that goes unanswered, and of course, every relationship that doesn’t work out really is a blow to my confidence.

So today I was listening to a dating podcast that addressed confidence. They spoke of how a guy shouldn’t worry if a girl is going to reject him – if she does, her loss. He shouldn’t change what he does to come across as “the nice guy” or go out of his way to impress a girl. Around this point, I paused the podcast and realized they guy they are talking about not becoming, is basically describing me. I won’t lie, when I’m dating a girl, I overthinking E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. My racing mind sounds like the following:

“why hasn’t she responded, its been 9 minutes? Did I say something wrong? Should I have kissed her? She said she had fun but what’s she really think? When do I contact her again? Should I play hard to get? + about 100,000 other questions” 


The million dollar question right here. If I knew the answer, boy would that change things. I don’t think there is one reason, I think it’s a combination of many factors

  1. My dating/relationship past
    As noted above, my confidence takes a hit every time there is a girl I’m interested in who isn’t feeling the same way. If she’s honest with me about it, it’s still painful; however, it’s a lot easier pill to swallow that the girls who fall off the face of the earth after telling me they’re interested. I try to tell myself that there are other fish in the sea but I’ll be honest, sometimes it feels like the pond is going dry.
  2. My looks?
    I’m not 6’5 with huge biceps and a 6-pack. But, I’m not on the other end of the spectrum either. All 3 of the websites I checked for what weight I should be for my height say that I’m in the average weight range. I definitely have an extra few pounds of fat that I would love to turn to muscle but I think everyone does, for the most part. However, growing up, I was the chubby kid and I think I still see myself in this light, which absolutely hurts my confidence…big time.
  3. Education/Career?
    I’m honestly not sure how this one effects my confidence. I graduated college and started in the working world right after. I’ve been very successful in developing a career, make good money, and honestly love what I do. I wake up everyday happy to work and I am confident in the work I do – I know I am good at my job. However, I’m not a lawyer, a doctor, or an MBA. Many times I wonder if this effects how women see me. I don’t think it does; however, I do think at times I am self conscious about not having a graduate degree.
  4. Psych myself out
    I often wonder if that fact I know that confidence is not my strong suit hurts me. Do I psych myself out? I know that I do. I get anxious and overcome with fear, which in turn, effects how I interact with women. People have told me before, “don’t worry about what they say, just be you.”……Buddy, where is the worry switch that I can turn off? Once you tell me that, I’ll give this a try!

To say I’m jealous of those guys who know they look great, have killer charm, and are confident in every move they make is likely the world’s biggest understatement. I don’t need to be this guy; however, I would really like move closer to this magical person and away from someone who is always worried about being judged and takes things too personal. Any great suggestions out there? Even a decent one would be most appreciated!